I am honestly trying to get to the bottom of it, but I'm not really sure if the problem is me, my coworkers, or a mix of both.
I do have quite a bit of anxiety and am on anti-depressants. I joined another company as part of a merger about 3 years ago. The new managers didn't really like my old manager, and I think I have a bit of a bad rep with them from the onset. My direct manager has been mostly rude to me from day 1. We used to have daily meetings when we first started and I noticed this manager always seemed to focus in on me, to the point of berating me in front of other team members on how much work I have to do, but he would never give me enough work so it would be a vicious cycle everyday.
Since then I have been reading a lot, and noticed the minority - majority wage gap in my province is 30%, so for equal education, non white minorities make 30% less on average. The province I am in seems to be quite a racist one. Anyways fast forward 3 years to now, my team is becoming dominated by Asian people (manager is half japanese half white), and I noticed they go to escape rooms and karoke ect. together, and have a lot of rapport among each other, and I feel more and more like I don't belong. Also my team lead is extremely nice to most of the coworkers but quite rude to me, and also avoids eye contact with me. Whenever we meet in a team, talking among 3 people, she will make eye contact with the other person and practically ignore me, which I find quite condescending.
Now I'm getting paranoid and wondering whether it is me (I am quite introverted, but am friendly to everyone at work, though no doubt people will notice my nervousness sometimes). Or is it the culture, due to the bad start (merger and manager berating me in front of my team lead and others, people just have a bad stereotype for me). Also not sure how much it's racism but culture seems to be one of cliques, all the Asians, and white people are close knit, I'm the only brown person in the office so I feel a bit left out (Team lead is Egyptian but seems to stay with the white people).
Any thoughts?
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