I left my job yesterday to pursue my passion, and I'm already feeling deep guilt and regrets. Should I withdraw and ask them to take me back or should I cope and deal with it ?

Hi guys, Please give me your best advices since I'm desperate and basically a mess right now.

I'm massively into writing (28F, not a native English speaker). I'm passionate since my very young age about litterature. I wrote a first book two years ago, published by an actual publisher and sold in librairies. Now my publisher really enjoyed my work and is really into me handing in a next project, wanting to work again with me. And I met another one which whom I became friends and who makes illustrated books and who is willing to make a project with me. Publishers are very rare. Many (good) books don't get one. I have nothing against self publishing on Amazon if that's the goal, but my goal is submitting to literary contests, a thing you can only do it you got published the "traditional" way.

Now it of course wasn't my main occupation. I've always gotten jobs in the culture area, and I landed pretty good jobs / was very lucky since it's a difficult sector. Two years ago, just after publishing, I found a DREAM job as a manager in a pretty important museum of litterature. So coherent and ideal in my CV. Great team, INCREDIBLE boss I am extremely fond of, great people, great place, the people love me, I love them all. The job isn't very interesting since I landed an administrative one, but the other things are there. My boss and I have a strong, trusting, amazing relationship. I was persuaded that it would help me get more book opportunites, meeting people, etc. Well. In two years I might have gotten a handful of contact numbers. But couldn't go on enough with my second book so it's still scratch, because I have NO TIME. It's always working days, and the weekends are all about chores, taking care of stuff, seeing sick grandma, etc. It started becoming hard on me and I felt regrets and guilt because my publisher was asking me for news, people were asking to read more about me, and I deeply missed writing. Deeply. And fearing the bridges will end up burned with my editor if I was not responsive for another 3 years.

I decided on friday to leave my job because I wanted to move on with my writing. (It's NOT irresponsible in a monetary way because I do have a lot of passive investment income, more than my salary actually). I went on with the resignation meeting. I was supposed to be thrilled I'd rely on no one financially to support myself into my writing activities. Oh god I was wrong. I cried during the resignation meeting, my dear boss who like me so much was absolutely devastated yet understanding, everything was so sad, I felt guilt and like I did a betrayal. Now it's Saturday evening here and I haven't moved on the slightest, I'm still in a mourning state, regretting all I can. What did I do ?

It probably IS a place to get great opportunities to promote my books, but if I can't publish books because it's too time costly, what is even the point ? I should have asked for a part time, but I doubt it was possible since I'm a manager and they need a full time manager. I resigned crying and I'm still defeated, full of tears and feeling so stupid. I do want to write. I do have the money to sustain myself. I don't want to work administrative things for the next 10 years, postponing my dreams. But I don't know, somehow I was not ready to leave the people, my boss, my desk. I can't even imagine someone else at my desk. It's so contradictory. HR could still cancel my request, it was only sent on Friday. I would look stupid but it would probably be doable. But what then, I go on and still don't write and my publisher doesn't wait / people don't remember me ? Why am I not thrilled to be able to pursue my goal ? Why both ways would feel like I'd miss the other one ? Please give me advices I'm full of regrets and contradictions. A massive thank you <3.

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