First job out of school, I feel like I was not properly onboarded. I haven’t been as successful as I could be. I honestly feel dumb as hell all the time. What do you all think?

Over a year ago, I started my first job after school. It was also out of my field and, in hindsight, I really shouldn’t have taken or even been considered for it.

It’s in market research and while I have some research experience that is slightly applicable, it in no way prepared me for the role as I’m actually a scientist. I have a BS and MS and most of my research and experience is in academia with some summer R&D experience. It didn’t use my typical research toolkit and I only have broad experience.

When I first started my job, I was essentially working on my own and trained myself. The training materials I did find were scant, outdated, or incomplete. I was alone most of the day outside of my few project meetings and introductory one-on-ones with team members. My predecessor and manager decided shadowing was a waste of time and I would attend meetings alone after my first month and ask them questions as needed. It sucked to not know what was happening in meetings and being not 100% able to support projects. My predecessor also rarely spoke to me or explained things at the meetings we did attend together. I would ask questions but I was honestly so lost I rarely knew when to make the most out of what I asked since I really didn’t have business or marketing experience. I felt totally isolated. She would also say things like “as long as you ask these basic things, you’ll be fine” but the role is way more dynamic than that. I have no ideas where to input since I never shadowed her at all. I’ve never been so confused in my life and I had no idea how I was going to be successful in my projects from start to finish.

My predecessor said she would walk me through developing research materials but then “cut me off” from her help 3 months into the job. I guess I was too needy or something. It was demoralizing since I felt I had no one on my side who wanted me to succeed. I slowly learned the role but then new things would come up that had no reference material for and no one would explain to me outside of a few sentences. I wish I knew why I just didn’t get it the first time around.

I feel like I was set-up to fail. I slowly started shutting down and having panic attacks. I’m going to quit as soon as I sign the offer letter for another position where I’ve made sure an on-boarding plan is in place.

I just feel like I was stupid and unreliable this whole time. I’m worried about failing again. I was expected to know things and be a leader almost immediately out of school in a job I was not qualified for. I only got it because someone I knew referred me and I apparently interview well. I’m not analytical in the way they need me to be and I think very black/white. I’m just embarrassed about this failure and what it might do to my reputation in future roles. This can’t be normal, right?

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