Is it normal to kind of feel like your life is ending once you get your first full time job after college?

I know this is probably going to sound ungrateful and that’s not how I mean it. But I just accepted my first full time job offer under somewhat less than ideal circumstances and I have the worst feeling that my life is just going to be drudgery until I’m dead from here on out.

I’m having to move very quickly for this job, because the initial job listing was somewhat misleading and I thought I’d be starting remotely, which isn’t the case. The job is also much more public facing than I’d originally understood it to be, which intimidates me because I’m deeply introverted and my social battery has a very short charge.

Anyways, I’ve been living at home since September after graduating college. The job search has been very slow and full of rejections, which hurt my self worth, but I actually had free time. I learned how to bake pastry and remembered how much I love to read when I have time to do so. I had the time and mental energy to write over 250K words of original fiction, which is something I’ve wanted to do for years and years but never had the time and mental fortitude for. I had time during the day to go to the park for lunch. I didn’t have to worry about being dressed in business casual all the time.

Now that I’m about to go into a full time job as someone without a partner to split household duties with, I feel like I’ll never have that free time to write or to bake or read again. I’ve always been a pretty creative person who lives a lot inside my head and I feel like I’m about to lose the ability to indulge that pretty much forever. I know when I was in grad school, when I got home at the end of classes/teaching every day I was so mentally exhausted that I could barely do anything but microwave something and mindlessly sit on the couch for a few hours before sleeping.

Is this normal or am I overreacting? I know this all has to be done but I’m just sad about it. I’m obviously very grateful for the position, especially in this dumpster fire economy. I guess I’ve just gotten too used to my time being my own.

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