I am not sure about what my next step in my career should be. I have been working at this small company as an engineer for about 3 and a half years now, but I feel like I have not grown in leadership and responsibilities. I'm starting to realize that it could be my attitude that is hindering me in gaining that respect from my peers.I also feel like I am not compensated at market value for the work that I do, I didn't get a raise at all last year so I'm wondering if now is a good time to look for new jobs. I'll give some background onto how I got here.
Last summer, when we usually do our yearly reviews, I realized I hadn't had mine yet when we usually have ours. So I asked my boss when mine would be, he said that both of our bosses (VP of the company) wanted to be there for mine this time around (it's usually just been me and my boss) so we had to wait until he was back from vacation. I thought that was strange and maybe also not a good sign. Then whenever I would go ask an engineering related question to my boss for the next week he would reply with questions to me about what my thought process was to get to where I was stuck and say things like "hmmmm... what should you do next?". It came across as a little demeaning to me and I felt criticized all of a sudden because he is usually welcoming and forthcoming with answering questions. I thought it was obvious that he was in the process of writing my review during this time and he even criticized me when I made a mistake and said "that's not that hard to do". So after this experience I was scared to bring up the review question again and of course, I never got a raise last year, and they never even initiated a meeting to do a yearly review with me. I guess I am just supposed to seek out my review paperwork on my own, but I guess I don't feel like reading his criticisms (I know, not good).
Now I am just trying to put those scars behind me and keep plugging away at my work, but I'm constantly stuck between looking for a new place to work or trying to really give my all to this company so that they can give me really good recommendations/references when its time for me to move on. Right now we haven't finished a product/delivered so I can't say that my engineering work has brought the company x amount of revenue, I can only list my responsibilities and achievements, and technologies I've worked with in the past on my resume.
I really do want to move away from this company to somewhere that just feels better with me but honestly I'm thinking my habits of shielding myself from criticism and taking on endeavors that put me and my work in the limelight is what is holding me back. I notice that I think since I'm the youngest person (26) on a group with engineers who are much older than me that I shouldn't "rock the boat" but I do have ideas and things I want to say, I'm just apprehensive because I know it puts the weight on my shoulders. I am looking for advice on, from what I've laid out here, if now is still an ok time to look for a new position. I am looking working on my anxiety and stress due to my career all along, but I also want to start building a happier life now, I don't know if I can at this company.
TL;DR
Got criticism, no yearly review/raise at my company and felt dejected because of that. Realize I may not be taking on enough responsibilities but also feel apprehensive about doing that. Wondering if I should just look for a different company.
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