I posted this on r/advice, but I’m looking for more perspectives!
Thank you for reading.
I am currently a high school English teacher. I’m 28. My dream is to become a novelist. When I started, I thought I would write in the evenings and on breaks. That’s proven to be impossible and puts so much pressure on me to be productive on my “off hours,” when I really do need to recover from teaching.
There is a lot I love about teaching, but I am at the point where I feel like I can’t continue in this career any more. For about 10 months of the year I work 50-60 hour weeks. When I have a break (like Christmas break), and once I’ve finished grading essays, I spend time recovering (cleaning my apartment and just catching up) before I begin to feel like myself. Then I write.
But for most of the year I feel so burdened by work that all I can do when I come home is crash in front of the TV. And I really mean crash -- I fall asleep in front of the TV after eating dinner almost every night. This means that my initial plan of writing during the evenings has gone out the window. I’ve managed it from time to time, but it’s not sustainable. I occasionally go the gym, but that really means I have no time/energy left to write.
There’s also another layer to why I am considering this. This past fall my uncle died of cancer (he was diagnosed in July) and then 17 days later, my younger brother died of a drug overdose. My family is struggling to cope. We were very close to my uncle (I saw him every Friday and Sunday growing up) and it has been devastating to lose my younger brother.
Teaching requires a lot of emotional energy. I feel like I am never myself any more because after I get done teaching and just surviving, I have such little energy left.
There is a major part of me that doesn’t want to give up on teaching. I’ve invested a lot of money, time, and myself in it. But simultaneously, I don’t want to continue to work this hard for pretty substandard pay. More than that, I realize now how precious time is, and teaching, for the majority of the year and therefore the majority of my life, rules my time more than I do.
I am hoping it would be different in a different career. What do you all think?
Thank you.
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