Left home, moved abroad, studied in a top-tier university, improved my skills, got good grades, worked through my insecurities, built networks, learnt a new language, gathered references from big names in the field...
I thought this would have been enough to help me score a nice enough job. It didn't.
It's been 10 months. 10 fucking months since I graduated. I've sent out countless CVs and I didn't even get one single interview. Meanwhile each and every one of my colleagues got a well paid job in a company they love. So I don't even have the excuse of the pandemic or "it's a struggle for everyone" or whatever. First I was picky, then I got increasingly less picky until I started applying for any stupid dumb shit that I couldn't care less about and they still never replied. I applied for jobs I thought I was the perfect candidate for, and I was ghosted every single time. There must be something wrong with me but I don't know what.
I'm done. I'll stop looking for a job in my field. It's too exhausting and depressing and I'm not even motivated knowing that they won't care anyways. I'll have to go back home permanently cause I'm running out of money and I'm tired of being subsidised by my parents. I feel humiliated, mortified, ashamed and hopeless. I don't know what I'll be doing. Maybe I'll work in a McDonald's or something. At least it pays the bills I guess.
I spent my whole life feeling inadequate and stupid. I left home because I wanted to get out of that rut and pursue a better future for myself. Salaries in my country are shit, young people struggle to get by and I wanted to escape and find my place, I wanted to believe that I was actually worth something. And for a while, it really felt like I had succeeded. It really felt like I was building a future. But I was wrong. I'm a failure.
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