Hi I'm 23 years old and I've been feeling very fucked up for the past 6 years. I started working in 2014 at 16 and as time goes on I've noticed I can't hold a job for more then 6 months. I'm constantly having work environment issues with other people and it seems like no matter where I work someone always has some negativity that I have to deal with. I find it hard to take pride and joy in my work, I've been doing construction for the past 4 years and have very little to show for my time. I started off at 9 an hour and I topped out at 14 but I still struggle to get my bills paid and struggle to form a savings account. I was working for a union construction company and I walked away from it today after 2 weeks. I was a fire watch for unionized welders all I did was stand in one spot for 10 hours a day to make sure nothing caught fire. I tried to look at all the small positive things about my job but the negatives tend to overwhelm the positives. I had been standing in my position all day today and my boss sent my coworker who is also new to tell me that they were pissed off at me I had been standing guard at my post the whole day and they were angry because they said I kept leaving my post I went inside the building to go talk to my boss but I started having thoughts that what I was fixing to say to this man was going to get me fired I work my ass off and all that gets me is shity treatment from other employees and superintendents I ended up walking right past him and just walking off the job and going home I don't know what's wrong with me. I take pride in the things I do and I always try my hardest to work my ass off regardless of what's going on but here in the past 6 years these jobs have been making me a shittier and shittier person I don't find joy in my daily life anymore I think of killing myself but I know that stupid because there's so much I haven't seen, I feel like I don't belong anywhere and I feel useless even known I have professional qualities about myself. This is my first post on reddit so I do apologize for being all over the place but I'm losing myself and I have bills to take care of but none of it seems to matter to me because I can't find a job that I love and I've been trying for almost a decade.
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