I am finishing my M.S.c degree and I took a R&D internship two summers in a row in a big ongoing project. They pay me a minimum stipend for students and I am expected to finish my internship soon. They had previously said that they like to hire "student that also want to a PhD with them", as in I did my internship with them and they are saying I could come and do a PhD. They offer a paid PhD programme with minimum wage stipend and you don't have to pay scolarship fees.
It's not a problem per-se as it's an ok arrangement. The problem is that I PREFER to get a job in the industry or even a different country where I could meet some new people (I've been in the same "crowd" for two summers now), to get a chance to get different perspectives and so on. And ALSO possibly a better salary elsewhere, and if the salary isn't better at least a PhD in a more prestigious school/institution.
The problem then is that I feel like they would have to start over to find and train a new intern that can become a PhD, or that they would've taken in a different intern had they known I won't accept their PhD. Because of this small tension, I feel that using them as reference is "cringe". As in I feel when some promising employer would call my employer, my employer would find out I am looking to switch, and think "oh no, he said he was going to stay with us?" and then they would not give me the "good" review I am looking for.
I also DON'T want to reject the offer just now, I want to keep it open, but if I find a more ideal option I will reject it. But then I feel like I'm being dishonest by claiming that I am interested in staying with them(which I have implied) so they'd be wasting time holding open a spot for me. Note I have not told them I confirm I am staying with them, I have said I "have to think about it", but they pressured me saying soon there is the deadline.
This isn't the FIRST time this happens to me, back in my home country I had a grant to work with school on a project, and the employer offered me to stay with them for long term studies, after I refused and said I'm going to study abroad for my masters, I never felt my relationship with the director was the same. My final summer in my home country, this individual did not give me another summer project citing "financial difficulties" and I ended up flipping burgers that summer.
I'm not sure if I'm making a huge deal out of nothing or not, and I think this may be connected with the fact that I have some social anxiety and I don't like asking favors of people who have really helped me.
How should I be thinking about this? How do people leave jobs to upgrade if their previous employer feels offended by it, do people usually have a referral from their previous job when they move onto the next one?
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