I'm not sure if i'm really depressed because im not diagnosed or anything. i had been performing to their expectations a while till recently, and im feeling like ive been underperforming and unable to deliver good output (creative job -- lack of ideas). i guess im the sort of person who wants to try to be able to deliver, so if i didnt have anything else to do i might even try to work on work stuff outside work. but i have tons of school work outside of work to complete as well. Im consistently tired and sad (i chart my moods and I am tired and sad daily about half the time), i've been open about this as well (maybe not the right move though?). I don't look forward to much -- my weekends are spent doing more work. because of me being unable to deliver creative output i had to end up putting more hours in and i still couldnt really get anything out (previously i was putting in less hours which was really good for me mentally and emotionally).
Now when i say internship -- i actually have a lot of flexibility in it. both good and bad. The thing is -- i just pitch my ideas to my bosses and they tell me what they like or dislike about it. i think normally its not really a huge issue -- but its more about mental resilience. Im not sure about myself (like am i burnt out, or just not mentally strong etc). I don't feel confident in my ability to be able to help them get what they want out of me.
Its just that sometimes I want to be doing something brainless (sure there are brainless tasks for me to be doing, but it's not really placed as a priority), not coming up with ideas.. I feel like my creative juices are dry (from feeling really sad about myself with the schoolwork, and other silly first world life situations like lack of a strong support network). Im starting to feel anxiety because for the whole week i couldnt really come up with anything solid and then i need to go back to work next week to continue thinking of this.
I don't know, should I like go see a therapist, should I use my sick days (technically i have around one per month since i've used 0 since i've joined) to do so. What else can I do to cope at work or maybe collaborate better with the people around me in terms of expectations. So far people around me at work have been really understanding when i break down but i feel like it's ofc not a good thing...
Im also worried about getting a full time job after i graduate, with this 'depression'. (not necessarily for the current place i work at, but in general).
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