I'm 24yo this 6th May, and I'm in really bad meantaly and physicaly situation.
I'm 95' yearbook and I've finished school with electronician profession, I've never attend to collage.
After finished school, in 01/2015 I got job through my friend and I've been working there since 06/2016. It was simple electrician work, like cable placements, attaching lamps, etc. etc. Since this job was really poor paid with how much work I had to put, a fact that co-workers didn't want to teach me anything and employer doesn't even thought about invest in me anything, either time or money, I decide to just lay off. On top of that I've been working on really bad contract type where I couldn't even mention my year and a half time of experience in CV. I haven't thought about investing my salary in myself these days, because I wanted to buy something for me, since my family couldn't afford anything like PC, some clothes, games etc.
After lay off, I failed miserably with finding any job. I've attend to some office training(basicly advanced excell magic) with payed lessons founded by EU, but after that I've read that certification is worthless on jobs market, then, since this training required from you to attend in some volountary job with minimal country salary founded by EU, I've decide to spend 3 months in laboratory. It was pretty fun time since I worked with really opened peoples, doing basic laboratory stuff, but there was no place for me actually. Peoples there had their job planed so perfectly that I was pretty much redundant, not worthless, just redundant.
After that I've spend 3 moths sending CV's without any results. I just broke and stoped sending any for next 7 months. After around one year I went to local goverment work organisation and got job in logistics where, what a surprise, I failed criticaly. This job just wasn't for me since it require you to lie, stir, persuade etc. and I'm really not that kind of person. I couldn't even force myself to do this. I've worked there for 2 months till I literally came to office, broke mentaly and just couldn't do this anymore. My results were bad because I felt disgusting doing that and this feel just stops me from doing this job properly, so it was fine for me and employer to lay off.
It's been 7 months since I've lay off. Recently in January I recovered some faith, I've send couple CV's and got only one reply around 3 weeks ago with English Test, I've get to know I've failed yesterday(yes I'm pretty bad, but why not try at least once?).
Everyone arounds me push me to find a job, family and friends, without any help from their side, help I really need. 6 moths ago I've meet girl employed for my place, through friends from this job, and we meet once a week since then. She lay off for same reason as I done. We really like each others and I can think about her as my future wife, but when I thought that meeting with her can renew some faith and courage in me and will be able to find some job, it works exactly opposite for me. I'm even more broke now since I'm not only harassed by family and friends, but now I'm harassed even by myself because I'm 24, without anything, instead with many problems I cannot solve.
In high school I've been harassed hard enough to think seriously about suicide. I've never said that to anyone and since then I cannot fall a sleep a one night without one or two thoughts about ways to attempt suicide. It's been 7 years since then. Nothing changed in that case, but somehow it's more painfull now than before.
I just literally don't know what to do. Everything seems worthless. My biggest hobby I've spent a lot of time on, computer games, started to feel like curse. It's too late to learn anything to find better, ha, ANY job since I'm too old for this now. I feel worthless and recently I've catching myself with shaking hands and feeling extremaly stressed without reasons.
Can you give me any tips what to do?
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