He said he would be a reference before I was forced to resign, but I’m not sure if means I should call him. I feel like I should because he was really nice to me, but my performance was really poor the last six months of my tenure and I’m ashamed of my disorganization and terrible attitude. I was not in a good state of mind and would routinely show up late and (extremely) disheveled, be uncommunicative, detached from my work, and made some bad mistakes toward the end, some of which he might not have known about before I left. I also left for reasons related to my mental health and he said as much he didn’t trust me working for him with my issues.
The thought of calling him feels nightmarish, despite the fact I like him as a person and he was (seemingly) willing to overlook my many flaws. I am just completely ashamed of my performance and don’t think I ever had any business working for him. Unfortunately I have a really skimpy resume and I don’t know who else could be a reference. I mostly worked a lot of short term jobs through my adult life.
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