this is an emotional rant i need to get out or i'll explode.
I'm honestly just really sad right now. i've had on and off temporary or seasonal jobs my entire career. whenever i get excited about something i have to catch myself because disappointment is never far behind.
i just got a job, like a real job in what i like to do, as an IT support assistant at the library of my school. it was essential, it pays way more than minimum wage and offers an opportunity to become permanent. But i live in sydney, and as the lockdown tightens and the outbreak gets worse and worse. i received an email just a few days before my proposed start date letting me know that the start date is delayed until further notice due to covid-19.
i am an international student, i've been struggling hard with keeping myself above water, and i've struggled with what jobs i can get being predatory cash in hand jobs. i've been slammed with covid from the moment i arrived in sydney in 2019. though i'm grateful for the privilege to stay in Australia during this terrible crisis, i can't help but feel a bit unwelcome. with my only lifeline being my single abusive parent back home, i feel trapped between a rock and a hard place.
i hope this surge in cases ends soon, i'm terrified of an extended lockdown, i'm not sure how i'm going to make rent. i receive food bank boxes from my school, and i do what i can like building PCs for my friends, but the light is slowly dimming over me and i feel hopeless.
what am i meant to do, i finally get a real job and it's taken right out of my hands.
i want to give up.
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