I don't know what to do from here. I'm not sad, mad, or frustrated anymore, I just feel nothing. I barely search anymore because I don't see anything that fits. I'm only submitting resumes to collect unemployment. The ghosting sucks, and in my various friend groups nobody really wants to talk to me about my unemployment. I really want hype people or connections and just don't have any that are willing to stick their necks out for me.
I'm burnt out from all of the "keep going" positivity posts on linkedin, the endless supplies of "You'll find something someday" words of encouragement from friends and family, and I'm exhausted from paying $900 for a resume writer and even rewriting that, only to hear nothing back when several people who make six figures have looked it over, been impressed and told me it's great.
I do have connections at several of my absolute top companies, but they're always vague and unhelpful when I try to apply there. I've tried cold messaging only to not get anything helpful back from people.
I don't really know what to do next, but all I know is that I can't stand contract work anymore, and that's all I'm being asked to apply for. It's little to no training, little to no onboarding, and little to no transparency on how to to break into an FTE role there. 100% of the time if I'm going into a contract, I want to work long-term at that workplace. If I have to put 100% into this company, why can I not expect for them to put 100% into me? It's like a curse, how can I plan my life if I'm only being considered for 6-12 month contracts with no possibility of conversion for the rest of my life?
I've hopped through so many contracts that I haven't stuck in one field because I've never been given the opportunity, so I know how to do a lot of everything, but not enough of what people and it's left me confused about what I'd even be good at, and I'm desperate for someone to just tell me what I'm good at.
I started therapy several months ago because of a combination of losing faith in myself as a human and only being able to get contract work, which makes me feel unwanted. I think that's the reason I'm not sobbing every day. I'm being told to reconsider contract work but that;'s one of the reasons I'm in therapy and I can't go back to it, I hate that lifestyle so much.
I'm just... confused and done. I really wish I had some help.
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