Yesterday I had a case that was extremely confusing. I’ve been here two months and I’ve never had one like it. Ive also been behind the rest of the group for a multitude of reasons (company provided me with broken equipment, apps wouldn’t work, I was sick, and they didn’t grant me access to stuff I needed). We’ve all had to learn out jobs at home too which is really hard for me since I have adhd but I’m taking my meds and trying to keep up. I’m behind by 2-3 weeks vs everyone else. I don’t normally ask for help but I kept messing up and confusing myself so I asked the trainers for help in our group chat and one answered me like this.
Me: “I’m really confused on this case so I’m not sure but should I treat this as a blank case?”
Trainer: “What do you think you should do”
Me: “I don’t know, I got really confused so that’s why I asked. I’ve never had a case like this before.”
Trainer: “I won’t tell you the answer or what needs to be done but I’ll help you. At this point in training you need to figure this out.”
Literally said that to me in the group chat in front of everyone but doesn’t talk to any other coworkers like that. I’m being micromanaged every day. I’m being told even when I improve and get more cases done, it’s not enough. Even though I’m way behind everyone else and trying to catch up as fast as I can. I know this doesn’t sound that bad and I know a part of me is being really sensitive and childish but I’m feeling extremely worthless, slow, stupid, cause this has never happened to me (not being able to catch up with the group and struggling at a job in general). My mental health has declined I already have anxiety and depression and now my IBS has flared up. Literally my heart rate has sky rocketed during the day for almost a month now.
So I just got so freaking upset I sent my manager a screenshot of what the trainer said and only because my manager said I needed to ask them more questions so that I’m not wasting time. I hate being a tattletale but I’m so freaking sick of this. It’s funny too cause the manager is always up my ass except for when I tell him something is wrong or ask for help. He’ll read my messages and not answer. Meanwhile he’s the one who yelled at me to “reach out”?
And today we had a new training for a different insurance so we trained for 8 hours and when we got partnered up for mock calls, the main trainer completely forgot about me and didn’t assign me a partner. And I told her that but she was already logged off so another trainer reached out to help me. I’m just embarrassed and feel outcasted. But then when I’m not performing to their liking I get in trouble.
I know I should be thankful to have a job. It just sucks how it’s now affecting my mood outside of my work schedule, I can’t get my heart to settle. I can’t do anything enjoyable. I just keep thinking and dreading about going back the next day.
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