anxious to get back to work after getting laid off...i feel like a prisoner to my past experiences

I was a neet and a shut in for a long time during my late teens and early 20s due to autism/social ineptness/bullying/tiger parent (lots of pressure from asian parent) and exhaustion from overexerting my body in an attempt to make it to the olympics (my parent's dream, not mine). I was able to bounce between self-employment (i can draw reasonably well) and temporary jobs for most of my life until now that I'm approaching my 30s. I struggled with self-hatred and being an awkward mess and I still do.
Lost my job last year due to covid and now my former company is rehiring again. I feel a lot of anxiety because I'm not built for the social and competitive environment of most companies. I'm also a creative trying to force myself into a mechanical workplace because that's all I can do right now for money.

Last year, my first interview went well because I researched the company beforehand and I was honest and put the needs of the company first before my own, but I ran into some trouble with a coworker I developed a crush on. Things ended amicably with my boss and most of my coworkers, so getting back in probably won't be an issue. It's just an obstacle I have to get past in my mind.

I have the option to work a later shift so I probably won't see that person, but those memories of being humiliated by that person who lied about me and talked behind my back to my coworkers and me just being dumb and socially inept, plus the 2 hour long commute to and back is really weighing down on me. I got into a life threatening accident because someone was driving like a madman on my way back home. Also the job itself was so stressful. The pay is just difficult to pass up.

I'm going to apply tonight so any words of encouragement helps since I feel very alone in my thoughts. Thanks.

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anxious to get back to work after getting laid off...i feel like a prisoner to my past experiences anxious to get back to work after getting laid off...i feel like a prisoner to my past experiences Reviewed by Louhi on janvier 23, 2021 Rating: 5

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