How to convince them of your merits without ample experience?

Hi,

I've been without a job for a while now. After my last one, depression set in badly because no one, not even my coworkers saw this coming. But apparently I was a nuisance to the senior management for being too straightforward so I discovered afterwards. And then corona hit.

For me, this is double worse, as before my last job I had seen years of troubling times. In short, traumatic episodes where I had to suicide watch ànd on top of that caring for my mother. Those years set me back. And I was already late in finshing my two higher degrees at 25...

Those degrees turn out worthless now (marketing and trendwatching. Meaningless terms applied to many jobs).

I'm 31 now and my twenties seem to have fled past me.I recall little to no joy in those years.

Before my dismissal at my last job, I hoped to finally move out of the house and some of my coworkers even voiced their wishes for me to become a manager as I always looked after everyone's wellbeing yet stood my ground when needed. I still had confidence then.

But now, I'm nowhere. And my merits on my last job, where I was for close to 2 years, cannot be translated to a job title. As I did purchase management, health & safety and numerous other things all under the umbrella of an administrator. I even covered regularly for the senior who would later let me off...

Coupled to the above is my age, 31, which I feel puts employers off already by looking at it. I've thought about ending it all as my life seems over and wasted, but a good therapist and my taking to some zen buddhism helps.

I don't ever give up, but somehow I keep getting rejected now. Probably my motivations are also insufficient, but when applying I feel like an absolute failure which is hard to shake off and translate into compelling arguments- which I'm so good at if it comes to ideas or objects, not so for myself.

I wished I could just show up somewhere and show my face and show them my merits on the spot. I'm good at many things of the mind I tackle, at creative ideas and writing (Dutch is my native tongue) and problem solving in general.

I've written dissertations for friends and family members who were stuck in their studies. I can immediately find details or defects in many objects, can curate the best this world has to offer(got a knack for finding heirloom-quality goods) and absorb new information very quickly.

Yet, I struggle tremendously to get a new job. Like a cloud is hanging over me wherever I dare tread. It truly feels like a curse, as if a red light unbeknownst to me, alarms potential employers. Tomorrow, I've got a massage scheduled. The first ever in my life. To find out if some negative energies are perhaps stockpiling within me.

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