Hi there,
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
I am 27/Female and I'm gay.
I work in higher education (specifically at a community college).
Back in December, the woman who was my boss (let's call her Trixie) retired after being around for 20 years. She had me cornered back in my office a few months ago alone, after everyone had left the building. She told me how she doesn't "get" gay people, how she doesn't "get" people like Jared Polis, and that gays aren't right or natural.
She had no idea that she was talking to a gay person. I did not let her know my opinions and just nodded along, even though I felt extremely uncomfortable. I have never told anyone else about this incident except for a counselor I had at the time.
Fast forward a couple months later, she retires. Trixie was extremely close to the other two women that I work with (who are both 50+).
I am RELIEVED Trixie is gone. Not only was she homophobic, but Trixie would constantly bully me passively with these two other women. Often, the three of them would be in her office, with the door shut. The women would give me the absolute worst projects and set me up to fail, highlighting the most minuscule error. They had me copy and paste from an Excel spreadsheet to a complicated database 15,000+ times (yeah, government offices use dinosaur technology). They would not accept any sort of mistake from me, while if another one of the women made a mistake, they would laugh it off like it was not a big deal.
At one point, I was really stressed out with the constant micro-managing, and she told me that I needed to "pay my dues".
Now, I've been working with these two women and often I feel that I cannot make any sort of mistake. I'm constantly anxious, and I'm worried about being "found out" that I'm gay. I feel like they could potentially use it as ammo, if they had the chance. I do not want to leave here with a negative reference.
Today, in a staff meeting, it was mentioned that they were going to hire back Trixie on a part-time basis to help out (even though there isn't even enough work for me to do at times). I can't mention my absolute objection to her coming back, as well as her homophobia, because of how CLOSE these women are. If I say anything, it will definitely put a target on my back.
I recently accepted an offer into graduate school on a fellowship, tuition-free scholarship. I am relieved I will be able to leave these rotten people forever. However, my move-in date to my new place isn't until August 15th, and my classes don't start until the end of August, God willing. I put SO MUCH effort into making this a reality.
I really need help deciding how I am going to cope with this with Trixie coming back into the office and this frankly toxic work environment. I'd really like to quit as soon as she starts, but with COVID-19 being what it is right now, I don't know if would be a good idea to leave. I can't travel, so it isn't an option. And, ideally, I'd like to save money over the summer before I head off to graduate school. My parents are not supportive of me and I am on my own.
How can I handle this situation with grace? Do I just nod along? Do I suffer in silence? Any words of wisdom and advice are very appreciated.
I'd love to leave the place with a positive reference and handle this with utmost professionalism. It's difficult sometimes, not to lash out, or get emotional.
Thanks again for reading and have a great evening!
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