I got a job. First real one. Boy how did it get so real so fast?
You know nothing but you gotta make it up. You learn that the more you care, the more you're in for a ride.
How is it that we've come to that point? Where can I start to get out of this hot mess? Why am I wasting so much time in meetings?
The stress, lurking and stabbing me. That moment when you learn and get to handle whatever is coming at you is slowly starting to drag you as stuff pile up even if you're working as hard as you ever did. When I sleep, I'm still at work. I wish I could just shut it all down. I realize I'm not in a good spot and so many even with more experience are getting hammered down too.
I feel guilty to leave them. They need whatever help they can get. They're happy to have help. We all feel left fighting for our lives.
IBut I've lost the fight. I was so ashamed and dreading to tell my boss and colleagues. Yet they understood. Now that I leave, I know what my limits are and this has been such a strong learning experience how to be with people. Just humans with limit, a tad greater than mine.
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