I feel like I'm useless when it comes to working. I can't seem to keep a job or at least prove to my managers/co-workers/myself that I belong, and I believe there is only one reason for it.

(23, M) (Denver, CO)

Before I start, I need to explain myself as briefly as I can.

I found out I was transgender when I was seventeen, but looking back on life, I noticed I subconsciously knew years before hand. When I was fifteen, I discovered my bisexuality and when I turned sixteen, I knew I was gay. Around the same time, I dropped all Christian faith for personal reasons. With all this, I lived in Alabama at the time. And if anyone understands how the south is, they would know that it is irrationally bigoted, racist, sexist, and unkind. So, it was actually impossible to live a normal and happy life. On top of this, I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which means I have loose and unstable joints that are prone to frequent dislocation, pain, and early onset osteoarthritis. I'm also clinically proven to have depressive anxiety and Autism Spectrum Disorder. This has caused me indescribable emotional/physical pain and dysphoric distress. I feel that this has something to do with my inability to live a normal everyday life.

Whenever I explain this to anyone, regardless of who it is, they all say, "Just take medicine," or "Just learn to deal with it." And it aggravates me to my very core because no mental/physical disorder is something you can "just get over." I know it's because they don't understand, but I need actual help. Not someone passing off my disabilities as anything lesser than what they truly are or handing me a half-assed ultimatum to my crises.

Ever since I started working my very first job, I've been told by everyone I've ever worked with, including managers, that "I'm too slow."

I have only been late a few times and every time I think I'm going to be late, I make sure to call in advance. I've always done my best at work, no matter the job, and my co-workers have told me I do better work than others who have been working there for years. Yet, when it comes down to my speed, apparently it's a deal breaker. I've never been fast, and I don't think I ever will be. And why I say that isn't because I'm not willing to get better. With utmost honesty, I don't believe 'speed' is something I was born with.

I find it strange that I've worked a plentiful amount of jobs in different fields, yet I've--for lack of better words--failed at all of them. I'm not physically strong enough to work a warehouse job because of my EDS. I'm not good at all with talking to people and human interaction is just about 90% of all jobs on the market. The reason why is not because of my anxiety as many people may believe, but because of my autism.

It's very hard to explain because autism is such a complex disorder, but every time I'm confronted by someone I have to talk to vs wanting to talk to, I become frazzled and want to find a corner or go to my 'happy place'. To be very clear, it's not anxiety or any other emotion that makes me do this. I feel displaced, vexatious, or just plain uncomfortable, and there isn't really a reason for it.

Despite my disorders, I've tried putting them on the back-burner and just working through my pain. But that turned out to be a huge mistake. The duration I worked at the warehouses I was employee for, I ruined my body. I can't sit on the floor crisscross anymore because my legs fall asleep within literal seconds and my hands have become extremely weak from succumbing to untreated carpel tunnel. This was all in only a few months. Other jobs that involve speed and people, I've tried doing the same and pushing through the pain yet again. But that turned out to be even worse for my psychological state. I've suffered through so much stress I put myself under. The excessive amounts of stress has made my vertigo worsen--It feels like I'm spinning around in a washing machine. And I recently was told by a doctor that my high stress levels have been causing me small seizures.

Can anyone give any advice on what I can do?

Are there any jobs out there for me?

If you can, for my sake, go easy on the replies. I'm only asking for help, not to be yelled at for being stupid.

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