Hi /r/jobs.. first time ever creating a throwaway but I feel the strong needs for the first time and hope I can get some feedback..
Background: I am in an office job for roughly 7 years. All my reviews are always very good and have received multiple promotions. My boss and I have a very healthy relationship and I am extremely lucky to have him (all people in this posts are assumed male to keep gender neutral) and he is being bred to eventually be one of the top execs in the company, and he has told me repeatedly that he really likes me and will bring me up whenever possible.
I became a supervisor two years ago and my first subordinate is extremely bright and we get a long great (at least at the beginning). I am always impressed by him and I always thought that one day, he might surpass me and I will be okay with that. Our personalities though are very different. I am from a culture where we were told to be always humble and try not to be too eager to get credit; that others will eventually notice. I find that to be very true and my boss has rewarded me with that. I also happen to be a very insecure person who is always looking for assurance. I do give myself credit for being self-aware and try to do the right things in-spite of that flaw. On the other hand, my subordinate is very outspoken (but in a very professional manner). He knows what button to push (he grew up in a business environment) and always says and do the right things. Very confident.
So I think you can kind of see where my insecurity clashes with his, as he starts cruising through big projects and doing well. I have never stopped being impressed with his work in his 2 years here and I think on surface, I have been extremely professional and a great supervisor. But underneath that surface, I have started feeling more resentment. I feel that because of our personality differences, he will get much more credit than I will in my first years here, even if our work product was of similar quality. I teach him almost everything he knows so far, and I fully recognize how impressive it is for him to pick up on things so quickly. But in meetings he will sound as if he just knew everything naturally. I think a person who is very involved in our day to day (e.g. my boss) will recognize what the situation is-- that my subordinate is extremely intelligent-- but I should also get a lot of credit for mentoring him. But I can't help but feel that that's not the case for everyone else. He rarely public gives me credit. The sad thing is I know in front of others in private, he will probably say the right things like "yea my boss is great, taught me a lot." Which I pettily feels just makes him look even better. Which is great for him and this is the worst part-- I feel like he is doing absolutely nothing wrong and it's all my fault for feeling this way. The only thing that's wrong is that he is not going the extra-miles to manage-up and handle his boss's ego.
I am extremely concerned because of a number of reason. I love my boss and the team and I want to do the right thing. I am extremely proud of never being a distraction even when the team was going through some externally-caused rough patches in the past year. I focus on doing the right things so my boss can do what's best as a leader. But I feel right now it might be becoming a bigger distraction where if I don't handle it soon, it will snowball and become something bigger. E.g. me resenting it more and more until I feel I must leave the team (which I think is big negative, not necessarily because I think I am talented but company had many years of training on me) or my subordinate feels unhappy and leave.
I searched the internet and interestingly, a LARGE amount of insecure bosses show up on google but they are 95% on how to deal with an insecure boss-- and that makes me feel worse because most of them says "you can't do much about it, suck it up or ask to switch teams" or "sucks but you just have to manage up-- unfortunate situation." I wish there are more articles that tell you what to do if YOU are the insecure one. I am noticing that I start inhibiting some of the "insecure boss traits" such as not wanting to talk as much, not celebrating success as much (I still am, just not as genuinely), having more of an urge to correct errors, etc.
I am meeting with my boss tomorrow about something else but I am considering hi-jacking that meeting to talk about this. I just don't even know if I can ever be a truly successful manager when I feel this insecure. I have mentioned this to my boss before, and he has done nothing but reassure me that I am doing great. I don't know if escalating this, even if I am just being earnest, will turn even our (me and my boss) relationship sour and ruin my career here.
Sorry for the extremely long and frankly rant-y post. I am really hoping to see if anyone has experience in my shoes, or just any sort of comments about his/her own insecure boss at work and how it was/was not resolved. Any comments, criticism, support are going to help. If I sound like I am too self-deprecating and is just fishing for reassurance here.. I honestly can see that as well and I just don't know what to do. Thus please be honest with your feedback..
TL;DR I feel threatened by my extremely bright subordinate even though my boss have assured me many times that I have nothing to be afraid of (he knows us both well). I start feeling more resentment towards subordinate although still under control now, but fear it will spiral out of control eventually. Looking for advice on how to deal with it. Subordinate is dominant in nature but in very professional way. I am on the other hand not as business savvy but comes off as genuine, but doesn't speak up enough.
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