Feeling excluded in the workplace

Feeling excluded in the workplace

I’ve been experiencing weird feelings around my work situation recently.

I know there are people who say like “don’t be friends with your coworkers” but my team has always proclaimed that many people are legitimately best friends with each other outside of work. The managers definitely hang out frequently.

Everyone is really nice on the surface and I’ve gotten really positive feedback on my work performance. The thing is, though, I started this job remotely in September - still have yet to meet my manager or the majority of my 8 person team. Despite the fact we have video meetings literally every morning.

This wouldn’t bother me if it weren’t “the norm” for people to hang out together but it is in this workplace. My manager is also the most bubbly, extroverted person I’ve ever met. And has admitted that though she takes some level of covid precaution she doesn’t behave as if she’s worried about it. She goes out to dinner almost every single night and is constantly doing things in the city.

I know I’m not entitled to anyone liking me or wanting to be my friend. And I also know it’s covid, so it’s a weird time in general. But it’s just strange when I work with these people so frequently and everything seems great and yet there’s still this barrier I don’t quite understand. I’ve brought it up a few times and they always sound into the idea but then roadblocks come up and it doesn’t pan out. In all fairness, a few members of the team have not been in the same city for months — but many, including my manager, have been, with the exception of some trips here and there.

Despite the fact I’m doing well in my job, this makes me second guess my ability to fit in on the team. Today we had a talk about diversity and inclusion (Im also one of very few women on the team) and everyone was sharing how glad they were that our team is so welcoming. And I just kept thinking about how I didn’t feel that way but I also know no one owes me time spent outside of work. It just seems like a huge disconnect between the seemingly very positive, fun conversations I have with my manager and the fact that she’s put off us meeting in person countless times even though she’s seen other people from work.

Don’t necessarily need advice but any thoughts/insight would be helpful.

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