Hey everyone, another 2020 graduate here. I graduated in May with my degree in Music Composition. My mom and dad have quite lucrative jobs doing what they love, they're flight instructors, and my sister makes art for a living so, I went for what I loved.
Yeah by May everything was already totally destroyed so I knew before I even got my sheet of paper that I wasn't going to get to do that, at least for a while. Growing up I had a hobby of building computers, and I use my computer a lot so I'm pretty good at IT adjacent things, so in May after I graduated, I got a job working as a PC repair technician where I got paid basically nothing but it was a fun job and I could just barely float by, and the pandemic wasn't going anywhere so I just kept doing it.
Anyway, last September I had to have surgery, which went very well so I got to return early, and walked into work to find my replacement, sitting right there at my desk. Management figured out that I had returned early and re-assigned me to salvaging PCs (they didn't want me hanging around the new guy for some reason?). When they figured out that somehow, barely working 2008 MacBooks are worth even less than they paid me, they fired me.
My day to day in the shop, at least when management wasn't around, was quite enjoyable, so my next stop was my Comptia A+, which I worked on while I searched for a new job. About a month goes by and I land a job as a help desk analyst, with my A+ still in progress. The wage was livable, barely, and the schedule was nice, so I was pretty excited for it.
Obviously, it wound up being dreadful. And not even for toxic reasons. Everyone there was super nice and really supportive. It was just the environment. I have ADHD and I just couldn't handle 10 hour shifts clicking around the service desk software, not actually doing anything because it was tiered so I didn't actually have any power to do anything, there were no windows, I couldn't have music or a podcast going, etc. etc. etc. I've related it in previous posts to Among Us style tasks. It was awful. I had such a mental breakdown that my mom urged me to quit without anything even lined up for the sake of my health.
So that's what I did, another few weeks pass and I get a job as a phone repair tech, for only slightly less than my help desk job. I was offered a full time job with meh pay, but that never actually materialized. What actually happened was that I was scheduled for 20-25ish hours a week making even less than my first job because of "onboarding". After over a month of "onboarding", I started looking for another position.
To be fair I was having a lot of problems performing at that job. I just couldn't keep it straight and don't know why. I would read the price sheet, then quote the wrong price to customers, would forget to disconnect the battery first even though that's always what you do, would do things in the wrong order or put things in the POS software wrong even though I had done it many times before, would forget which customers had paid and which had not, it was pretty bad.
Anyway with no end in sight to this "onboarding" thing I again searched elsewhere and landed my current position as a 1099 field service technician. I was told that the work would be equivalent to full time and that the pay would work out to be about what I made at my help desk job (so, fine, but not great). Again I went through a weeks long onboarding process where I've been making, because I'm a 1099 contractor now, literally nothing. Like 0$ nothing.
I finally came out the other side though, and was supposed to start taking calls on Wednesday. I woke up bright tailed and bushy eyed, to a text from my supervisor that there weren't any calls that day. Alright fine. The next day, no calls. My supervisor tells me it's because of "the storm" but I live somewhere on the east coast and so far it's just been a little damp. Now that the weather is actually getting worse I expect there will be no calls tomorrow either.
Amidst all this I did actually land an interview to be a violin instructor, so, what I actually love to do. The interview is tomorrow and I'm quite confident I'd be a good fit so I think it will go well. But, that's also a 1099 position, and they don't transfer students from other teachers, so I have to wait to build up students over time.
I've also applied to WGU, where I was originally going to do IT but am now thinking about CS because of the bad experience I had with help desk.
But with that done, this whole week I've just been lounging, playing video games, doing nothing. I go to sleep at 1AM and wake up at 10:30. My girlfriend gets up at 5:45 in the morning to go work a job that actually pays her enough to be independent, while I've been begging my parents for help with my half of the rent for 4 months or so now.
And actually preparing my audition for my interview has me thinking about precisely how much I don't want to do any of this (well, any of the tech stuff). I want to get my Doctorate in music and teach undergraduate theory and composition. I'd so much rather do that than code or do IT or whatever, but I'd also so much rather code or do IT than be homeless.
But yeah, I guess that's everything, rant over. I just feel like a massive piece of shit for sitting at my desk playing Flight Simulator in my jammies while my GF works hard at ungodly hours to bring home her share.
I just don't know where to even go from here. I have what is supposed to be a full time job, plus what is supposed to be a side gig that eventually becomes a full time job, but I'm skeptical of the first while the latter will take too long to accrue for me to just coast doing that.
I want to do music full time but with recessions and crises seemingly every year I can't justify the extra loans and time if I'm just going to wind up poor again when SHTF and society decides they can't pay their musicians anymore. My only other possible career interest that I've thought of at this point leads straight into a job that nearly killed me after only a couple of weeks, and I can't think of any other interests that capitalism has decided to make profitable.
Just generally feeling like shit about my situation right now, seeking whatever advice or comfort you may have.
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