I am from a small industrial town in the English Midlands, where there is little to do and no opportunities. I went to university in a city in a neighbouring county when I was 18, dropped out after just a few months. I ended up getting a full-time dead-end job as a general warehouse worker, picking and packing boxes for delivery to the stores. I did this for the next 10-years.
I was living such an unfulfilling and unrewarding life with very little to even zero satisfaction. Very aware of the passage of time and that I was not getting any younger, I decided I had to put my life right and make changes to better myself and give myself the life that I had always wanted since I was a child (a nice career for myself doing something I enjoy).
I decided it was time to return to university at the age of 29. I followed my passion for writing and media this time; in 2017 I moved to London to do a BA in Journalism. I was committed to doing as best as I could, in order to turn my life around, and worked very hard. I graduated with First Class Honours (the highest grade you can get in the UK university marking system).
During my time at the university and whilst in London, I did a few really enjoyable internships with a couple of national newspapers, and even got published in them. Things were looking up for me and for the first time in my whole life, I had an optimistic outlook on life. Life was good. The three years I spent in London studying for my degree, were the best three years of my life, and the only time I have ever truly known what it is to experience happiness. I honestly felt that I was on the road to becoming someone, to having a meaningful place within society, to improving and creating a better life for myself than the life back home in my little industrial town could afford me.
Well, I graduated this year (as the Covid-19 pandemic started taking a hold) and despite my best efforts, have been unable to find graduate level employment. I am already at such a disadvantage to most other graduates seeking work, as I am so much older (11 years older than the average 21-year-old grad) and I am very aware that employers seek "young talent". During my internships I did try networking and made a couple of connections but they've proved unfruitful. A couple of people from the papers I did my internship at gave me their contact details, but I've been ghosted by them whenever I got in touch asking for advice and/or for further opportunities with them.
My background in the workplace being purely industrial as a warehouse worker, probably puts employers off, too. They don't want someone from that kind of background moving into the white-collar world?
I am 32-years-old, still living at home with my mum, have absolutely no savings whatsoever (I have a savings account which currently has only £2 in it!), don't own anything, have no relationship, no friends (bar one friend I made at university, but he lives in London, so it is now a long distance friendship since I have moved back to my town), also cannot find graduate work perhaps as a mix of the pandemic, lack of professional experience and my age. And I am only getting older. The older I get, the harder it will be. I see no future for myself. I know it sounds overly pessimistic, but I think my chances of getting a degree-level career and finally making something of myself are more than likely zero. I'm too old now, employers will age-discriminate (despite laws against this).
I'm currently registered with an industrial employment agency here in my town (industrial factory/warehouse work being the only type of employment available in my area); I am doing very intermittent work (the odd week here and there) at different warehouses through the agency, on minimum wage. I think of the life I could have had, had I perhaps gone back to university sooner, whilst still in my 20s. Most people my age are well into their careers, well-established, own their own homes, have started their own families and have savings. I have none of this. I'm a failure and a loser.
I cannot continue much longer with this industrial life I live. It is physically grueling and tiring, as well as soul-destroying. The supervisors/management are almost always nasty and it is such a negative environment. I am suffering with severe depression and anxiety due to my current situation, which has been my situation ever since I was 18. I'm thinking about ending it all this time next year if I'm still in the same place; because if I am, it'll confirm to me that I am just not ever going to be going anywhere with my life.
I have never wanted to make big money (though that would be nice), just enough to be comfortable and don't necessarily want a high-flying career (though if I was able to achieve that, that too would be awesome). I just want to be happy with a nice little career for myself, preferably doing what I love (writing) or something media-related. Or perhaps doing research (I've always loved politics and history). But ultimately I'll do anything at the degree-level which is enjoyable and pays reasonably well. I just want the good, happy, fulfilling life I've always wanted. Sorry for the self-pitying of this post, I admit I am self-pitying. But I am so envious of those much younger than me.
Note to the young: please don't waste time. Follow your dreams and your passions now. Get the life you want. You will regret it if you don't. I saw another post on here about "mourning the person you could have been". That's me - and I don't want it to be any of you, too.
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