Hi!
Before you call me lazy or ungrateful please read my story! I work in a very well known Fortune 100 company - people always say they want to work here.
I started as a data intern for 9 months on an AWFUL salary. When I started, I was experiencing severe work anxiety (mixed with my own long term anxiety) which made the job so difficult. This was due to my manager, workload, task difficulty and my own perfectionism. I would cry myself to sleep every night and stress out, I would work till 3am. Everyone knows me for being proactive and doing good work. However I would bend over backwards and work 8 hours on a project to do what my colleagues could do in the space of an hour. I’m so dumb compared to people in the same position as me, it’s embarrassing. I went to therapy because of work and imposter syndrome but it was still bad.
I was then promoted as a data analyst (the same time lockdown hits) and entered a new team. I realised that I don’t want to be an analyst but It was better than being unemployed. I could see myself starting to slack since working from home. My manager steals my work and doesn’t really appreciate me which started to demotivate me.
I’ve been in my new role for 10 months now and I know this career isn’t for me but now I’m depressed and I have no motivation to do anything. I feel so numb. Now I slack on tasks, I procrastinate, I leave everything till last minute. Usually I procrastinate and get it done and do an all nighter and no one notices but now I’m delaying my work for my manager. I feel like crap but I can’t do anything. This job is so boring and my manager is so toxic. Anything good I do, I get 0 credit for.
Please help. Even the thought of applying for a new job scares me... I have no idea what I want to do :(
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