I feel like everyday, I am amounting to and uncovering new challenges regarding the numerous aspects of my job as a statistical data analyst for neuro-trauma lab.
Recently, I have managed to overcome part of my social anxiety and managed to start asking more questions and search for help when needed. However, in spite of this (small) improvement, I still feel utterly incompetent at my job, and rarely exceed let alone satisfy the expectations from my boss. I really want to impress her--and keep my job--but I feel like nothing I ever do is good enough. I still don't always understand what she asks of me, and she sometimes seems frustrated when I ask for clarification (although this might just be me projecting).
She's expressed concern before (two months into this position), that I wasn't acclimating fast enough, meaning she thinks I wasn't acting independently enough and expressed concern that I never took initiative to meet with people, thus making me a poor communicator, in addition to my under-performance. Although I have vastly improved in regards to my communication, I still fear that I'm under-performing. This fear is also compounded by the fact that she refuses to promote me to full-time staff and I remain a temp, despite her promising me that she would be promote me to full-time staff when I started in May. I guess, she's still unsure about me and doesn't want to have to pay any sort of severance in case she decides I'm not worth fully-onboarding as a full-time staff employee.
One of the reasons I may be finding it hard to acclimate is that this position has higher demands and requires more experience than I actually possess. However, she was the one that hired me knowing I had just completed graduate school and didn't really have any real-world experience. Maybe she was thinking I could just land on my feet? Either way, I feel like I never meet any of the expectations she sets for me, even when I do work overtime (unpaid overtime as well). But she's a workaholic who does 60 hour weeks.
Everyone also talks about the man who previously held my position in such high regard that I feel even shittier about my job performance. I just feel like I might bit off more than I can chew by accepting a job with requirements way above my skill level, but I also feel like my boss has an unrealistic expectations. I genuinely don't know whose to blame, maybe its both?
Who would you say is at fault? How was your work climate like when you first onboarded? Did anyone actually train you or did they expect you to know how to work certain programs already? Did anyone ever start/take a position that seemed to require more experience and knowledge than you seemingly had.
Any advice/help would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I don't know what's going on. Did my boss unknowingly hire someone with less experience, or did she just decide to take a chance on me despite my lack of experience and see whether I reach her expectations regarding work quality and independence? Either way, I regret turning down a position whose credentials I genuinely filled. Maybe then I wouldn't be in this of purgatory wondering if I'll still have a job next month, and perhaps wouldn't be as stressed and overworked as I am now.
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