So I'm a recent college grad and I started working as an analyst in June after interning at the same company. I mainly took the job just to be employed because I had a lot of anxiety surrounding not having a job after graduation. I thought "Well I didn't exactly like the work but if it's only a little more than what I did as an intern it should be fine" because when I accepted the job my manager kinda gave the impression it would be similar as they gave the interns a lot of work last summer due to under staffing and my manager had mentioned they hired more people. Now that I'm actually working I'm kinda doing a lot more than I thought I would and sometimes feel like I'm drowning a little bit. It doesn't help that communication isn't the best right now since we're all work form home too.
The company I work for has a review process for reports in place. I hate review, mostly because I feel like I'm faking being qualified enough for this job and they'll see that I'm doing a lot of things wrong (I guess what some could consider similar to impostor syndrome). I have a lot of anxiety each time I send things in for review and I even start to sweat and my heart races erratically when I go to check my email. Most of the time I feel too stupid for this work and I put a lot of pressure on myself because of it. I understand that the review is necessary but I always think in my head that someone better than me could be doing this work with less issues, as a lot of the time when I get stuff back from review there are a lot of changes.
I know I haven't worked here that long but to me it just doesn't feel right. It's an office environment and I sometimes feel stifled by the formality that this office has. Most everyone is nice but some higher up people I feel look down on me because I am new and don't know as much. It's not like they're necessarily trying to be mean but because they're so smart they seem to forget not everyone knows everything. After getting off of calls or receiving review back I'll sometimes break down and cry because I just feel so stressed and that I'm not cut out for this job.
Another issue I don't necessarily like is that employees are expected to work long days. I get super fatigued following this and dislike working until 8 pm some nights. I kinda knew going in that the days would be longer and thought I could handle it but now it's just making me even more tired. I feel like I don't have time to go out and enjoy my life. My manager and other coworkers have also mentioned that, even when they take time off for vacation, they still are working and that just makes me fear the worst, that I'll become completely absorbed by this job with no free time for myself.
My mom has said she can tell I'm depressed and worn out and I'm trying to connect with a therapist (right now through Betterhelp but we will see how that goes) to help root out the problem, whether it's just mental illness or I don't fit.
I know that I haven't worked here that long and "all first jobs suck" but how do you know when its a good fit or if the job just isn't for you and quit?
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