I currently am a church planter and for those who are unfamiliar with the church world basically it’s someone who starts a new church from “scratch”. This typically attracts those who posses entrepreneurial tendencies and is pretty popular among young people who want to be clergy.
When I graduated undergrad last year, I had no idea what to do next, not because there weren’t any options but because there were too many. I had so many different calls to different churches that I didn’t know how to choose because I felt like I needed to choose the “best” opportunity.
Fast forward a year later, I don’t think I made the “wrong” decision because I don’t believe there was a wrong decision to be made. I did the best with what I knew at that point. I chose a position as a church planter.
This job is exhausting. Naturally, I am deep-thinking, introverted, passive, empathetic. I feel like through this experience my initial joys of being a clergyman were quickly lost and replaced by a position where I am forced to think like a businessman (which I hate). I do not by any means align with the philosophy of my supervisor who prefers I think more like a CEO than a theologian.
My true passion is to study theology and mentor and lead people. Instead of being a church planter I think I would be in much a better place as a pastor of any already established church while I can at the same time devote time to study. My problem is that I fear disappointing my supervisor and others. To leave the church plant world would make me feel like a failure. I also fear having to make any decision on where I would Pastor.
So it seems like currently my two options are to stay in a field that overwhelms/exhausts me bc of my people pleasing, fear of failure or take a leap of faith into another season of unknowns in hopes of pursuing what my heart feels aligned in.
Even if you know nothing about church, I’m sure you can relate with the above thought, how have you navigated this in your own context when it comes to life goals and purpose?
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