Hey all,
I'm a young engineer in the consulting business for a little over 2 years.
I make above average salary for my position, the coworkers/managers/owners are about as great as it gets [the kind that bend over backwards to help you out], comfy small business (40ish people), company has decades of staying power, great benefits, lots of personal life flexibility, I learn something new everyday, I get to design really cool things, its a great balance of field work/short travel/office, each project is different keeping the "material" fresh.
I'm not trying to brag, I just want you to understand that I really do enjoy my job- because what I'm about to describe will make it sound like I hate it. I don't. I just need help.
When I started my job, my initial enthusiasm, technical and social skill has earned me respect from others and I consider myself to be well liked. However, as time passes and 40hr weeks fly by, I find myself growing apathetic and extremely unmotivated to the point where I abuse my benefits and the trust I was allowed. Especially now that I've been working from home.
I feel guilty and appalled at my own inability to work and focus that I will use vacation and sick time to fill the gaps in my week where I didn't do anything. Even then, its probably still not enough, because the times I do "work" I'm probably 60% efficient. This is especially bad because every second I spend producing CO2 is money getting drained from a budget. I've tried so many different methods to gain control over this issue that I really don't want to type them all out.
I thought it may be depression but I've noticed it seems working 40 hour weeks is the root of my problems. I can barely get out of bed, I'm always tired regardless of sleep amount, I don't eat well anymore, I space out and cant focus, I've been going to the gym only once a week instead of my normal 3, I'm getting less and less organized which is uncharacteristic of myself, I procrastinate literally everything:
Even as I type this, I need to get a report done before tomorrow morning because I only worked 5.5 hours on Friday. Every day is a struggle for me. I was searching through articles and websites and can't find anything close to my issues. I'm really hoping someone that reads this will have something to add, but if not, just typing this out is somewhat therapeutic.
thanks for reading if you did.
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