How do I quit my 6 year career with a gaslighting, toxic supervisor? I also need to take a mental health break after workplace trauma.

I (27/F) am going to be quitting a retail management job in February and desperately need help deciding when to give notice (before or after vacation). I am also concerned about retaliation for quitting with two weeks notice, instead of one to three months that my supervisor claims is required. For reference, I have been with the company for 6 years, and make about $50,000 a year at this time. I have a trade license (paid off) associated with this job. I’ve never quit a ‘real’ job before.

Details...I will be going to my dream job. For the past 8 months I have freelanced and worked one day a week at my friend’s business. This will be a move for balance and happiness and health. I have been incredibly open with my supervisor about this, because this close friend also worked for our company, and trained me for my present job. In retrospect, this was probably a mistake.

I am dealing with a toxic, gaslighting supervisor. She has threatened to fire me three separate times this last year but never provided any concrete documentation, resulting in severe distress on my end. She frequently tells me I have lied and imagined conversations (even if I have another employee present), just for the sake of trying to keep everyone a little off balance. She has severe OCD, and makes work a living hell by projecting her anxieties. She is so controlling that I am not allowed to do my basic job duties, such as coaching and eventing. If I am allowed to do them, it is with excessive oversight. Heck, she stood for ten minutes and watched me type in phone numbers because she didn’t believe I had been trained in 10-key.

She also constantly ‘mines’ myself and my team for information regarding our personal lives, that is inevitably used against us (one day after a rough breakup, I was told that I was ‘not performing’), etc.

She is also remarkably overpaid (at roughly $85,000 a year, a huge wage gap between us), and has demonstrated a lack of care towards the timeliness of our team receiving our pay and bonuses that has destroyed team morale. Bonuses have been late for 6 months—she is unconcerned because hers are on time, and chastises myself and my team for being concerned. I could go on, but—this should give a general impression.

Most of my family and friends have expressed that I should go to HR with complaints of a hostile work environment. Again, I probably should have, but we are past that point now I think.

Now where it gets complicated...

Last year in June, I was robbed at knifepoint. Remained totally calm (so much so that the police expressed great concern that I was in shock), completed my shift, and came to work the next day. I took no time off.

This past December, I witnessed someone commit suicide by jumping off a 10 story building. I saw the immediate aftermath (very gory). I completed my scheduled shift, and did not take any additional time off.

Because of this, I have been given some additional vacation time for mental stress (an extra 7 PTO days) and believe me—I NEED a break. I am exhausted, burn out, and miserable. My health is starting to fail from the stress—I was hospitalized in November, and have two doctors telling me I have got to make changes.

My supervisor has been negative and attempted to circumvent my opportunity at my friends business every chance she gets. My friend and other individuals at the business are very concerned, as well, about possible retaliation towards me for quitting. My supervisor also says that I must give her at least a month’s notice, because the schedules are made a month out, but ideally I would give her three months. I recognize this as unrealistic.

I will be leaving my position in February. I intend to give two weeks notice and leave on a professional note. My supervisor will be very upset that I am only giving two weeks. My company will not pay out my vacation time allotted for this mental health break (they will pay out the remainder of my sick, which is about a month’s worth of time).

What could my supervisor do to me in retaliation?

How do I prevent this?

Can I have my mental health PTO approved, then give notice right before I leave for the vacation?

Please help. I just want to leave on a good note, but I am so worried

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