TL;DR at the bottom since this is lengthy!
I work for a recently created team within a large company.
There was a task that was ran by a single manager, but since the company grew and grew, the manager created/hired a team to help run this task. (I am trying to not be specific. There are strict social media policies regarding the company and I don’t want to get in trouble)
The team is comprised by the manager, 2 people with face-to-face hands on tasks and 1 person with administrative/ supportive tasks(me).
Even though the facing co-workers are more experienced and paid more, we all report to the same manager, meaning that the 2 employees do not have authority over me.
For the sake of clarity, we’ll call the 2 facing co-workers are Abby and Amy.
I was hired internally. Abby and Amy were hired externally. They had no previous experience in the niche industry.
When working together, Abby and I have very much the same traits. We are both laid back and prefer to have something done way before the deadline approaches.
Amy, on the other hand, is very much a last minute / under pressure person.
On top of it, since I was hired internally and I tend to work more closely with Abby, Abby trusts my opinion when making decisions.
When we work together, I take a diplomatic approach to task distribution, although I do take the lead by asking what each person wants to do and delegating tasks accordingly.
For major tasks, which occur rather rarely, I must work with both Amy and Abby. When I tried my approach of diplomatic task delegation with Amy on the team, Amy got really upset.
She said I was being too uptight, that I should relax and let things figure themselves out. I’m extremely non-confrontational, so I tried my best to keep calm and explain to her why I was distributing tasks preemptively. She got even more upset, started raising her voice. So I (incorrectly) told her that “she could be the boss if she wanted to then.” To which she replied she didn’t want to be the boss, and we didn’t need a boss.
Later in the day, when things cooled down, Amy asked to speak to me in private. I thought we would have a rational conversation and we would iron out our differences as adults. Instead, I was trapped into a one-sided conversation where I spent about 15 minutes undergoing a coaching, pointing out at how my approach to delegation was wrong. I had a tough time getting a word in, and when I finally started to explain my point of view, Amy said she was needed elsewhere and walked out.
I had to work with her on the next day and I just kept my head down, let her take the lead and watched the project burn, as mistakes were made and deadlines were missed because of the lack of planning and delegation within the team. (Abby is passive and non-confrontational and also did nothing about the mistakes)
I spoke to my manager about this incident and she said that Amy has trouble working in a team because she is not used to it yet, and that I should proactively try to engage her in a friendly manner by inviting her to a team lunch and making friendly talk.
Amy and Abby must work closely together, as they have the same roles, most of their tasks are together. I know Abby has massive troubles working with Amy due to her different approach. Abby told me she already spoke to the manager about it, and Abby told manager she would handle Amy on her own.
I know Abby likes the job, but is also currently applying for other jobs.
Abby and I have open conversations and we help each other frequently. We are transparent and uplift each other. We discuss what happened in our 1-on-1 and come up with action plans together for things that we could improve. When we ask Amy, she shares nothing. If she feels pressed to share things, she’ll make up stories or share very superficial things. My impression is that Amy is always very defensive and feels very competitive towards the rest of the team.
I have kept my distance as much as I can. Every interaction I have with her tends to be passive aggressive on her side (and avoidant / aloof on my side, because I’m trying to get over and away from her ASAP).
The curveball in this entire thing is that Amy feels she’s lined up or trying to line herself up for a promotion. She’s constantly sucking up to everyone above her, while treating those below her with a fake smile and only when others are there to see that she’s being nice.
My manager approached me recently and told me she would like to tutor me to become a manager / take over her role in the future.
TL;DR: Small, flat team where one co-worker has a radically different working style than other co-workers. This co-worker is not willing to change or adapt, making the rest of the team feel uncomfortable. This co-worker is stubborn and takes everything very personally, feels like many things are personal attacks when they’re really professional comments. Trouble co-worker likes to suck up to higher ups, and thinks she’s lined up for a promotion. Manager approached me and said she would like to mentor me into a manager role.
Here are my burning questions:
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how to deal with this co-worker? My manager believes Amy is excellent at her job and just is very stubborn and strong-willed and expects me to know how to deal with her. I believe my attitude of staying away is not the best, but idk what else to do.
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should I tell my manager that Abby has a bad relationship with Amy and is actively looking for jobs? I really like working with Abby and I feel like if it wasn’t for Amy’s attitude, Abby would stay in the company. Abby has a track record of staying many years in a company.
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strategies to keep a straight face when I see Amy thinking that she’s lined up for a promotion when I figure she’s not.
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