[Advice] I would like to hear from successful female managers and how they overcame obstacles in their workplace

I recently took a job 6 months ago as a fitness coordinator for the Navy. My job is a supervisor position which I have never held before. I was actually pretty surprised they hired me. I have a solid fitness background but zero management. From what I gathered, they liked my attitude and saw me as a fast learner eager to work so they felt that my personality and energy would make up for lack of experience. Which it does.

However, I am now at a point where its been 6 months and I still have no clear guidance on what I am supposed to be doing. We have a fitness director who isn't even qualified to be in that position and who was "temporarily promoted" but has been that way for two years. Headquarters has since cracked down on that and I was told in JANUARY that they were going to officially post the director position to hire someone, which it is now April and obviously they haven't.

This "director" lacks communication skills, organization skills and does not work well with others. I am supposed to be assisting him with events but find myself planning events by myself all the time. There was no event calendar until I created one. He also has no problem taking credit for the work that I am doing. The last event that I planned, he had me running around trying to coordinate everything when he ended up doing a lot of things ON HIS OWN. He watched me run around frantically and could've saved me a few phone calls if I had just known he was taking care of things. He doesn't let on that he needs help and will never admit that he doesn't know something.

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I have reported to his boss, our site manager, who makes excuses for him. He tells me to be patient and I am trying but the stress of his incompetencies is really really getting to me. It is starting to affect my time outside of work, where I will stress and think about work to the point where I cannot relax or enjoy my time anymore. Every weekend, we have an incident which requires people texting me or calling. I am an hourly worker, I do not get paid overtime and I have no company phone. Although I am not required to entertain these things, I cannot help but feel responsible for them.

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The staff are all disgruntled and have given up hope and blame management for EVERYTHING. We are supposed to utilize the staff for events but the "director" says he doesn't trust them, thinks they are incompetent, he never talks to them, and flat out thinks they are stupid.

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I am trying to change things, but I get a lot of push back, excuses, everyone always points the finger at each other. This is a male dominated place, I have no females to talk to, I have no mentor to help me. This might not even be a male/female issue but I cant help but think that a female boss would take my concerns and mental health seriously. Whenever i bring things up to my site manager, he says things like "when i was the director, I had to work with a lot less and I was able to get it done" making it seem like its MY fault that i cant handle these things even though I am NOT the director.

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I have zero support and Im trying really really hard not to get emotionally invested into this but I feel like my staff need someone to rely on. I realize I am putting a lot of pressure on myself. I want to be a better leader, manager, and learn how to handle my stress levels.

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I am reaching out to other females who have had similar obstacles and how they were able to overcome it. Male perspectives are also welcomed but I am female and I do believe that males and females have different management styles. Or at least think about work differently.

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Before you tell me to quit, know that I am in a position to where I CANNOT quit and there really are no other job opportunities. I am in Japan, on SOFA status, meaning that I have to have this job to be able to live here. I also sponsor my husband as well. If I were to get another job, my pay will decrease significantly and we will struggle tremendously to pay bills.

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TL;DR Would like to hear from other females in management on how they stay sane in a toxic workplace. Quitting or getting another job is not an option for me at the moment. Serious replies only, please.

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