In yet another open plan office after being fired from another similar job last year. Any tips on how to succeed when I've already made mistakes?

Hi all,

If you read through my whole post, thank you in advance. I really need some help and advice with this.

I spoke about my first real job last year here - I was fired from this role after two months and spent a while doing temp roles whilst trying to find something permanent.

I was hired in November in Fintech, doing a customer job and I really enjoy it. Its a small team (business began in 2013) and there's lots of scope to grow and increase salary ect. The office I'm in is again open plan, but thankfully I don't feel as anxious as I did in the other one. There is still some tension I feel on a daily basis related to my basic introversion, depression.

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Some of the anxiety I feel is to do with the fact that everyone can hear me answering customer calls- I am conscious of my 'well spoken' English or 'queens English' as my manager put it.This is especially noticeable considering most people in the office are from Essex and speak much casually and with a certain vocal fry. I feel very different in many aspects to everyone else, and as the only single mother in the office (most are married with 1+ children) I also feel a sense of shame (probably related to my depression).

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I'll give a bit of a story as to what happened just before Christmas- and it wasn't good at all. Less than a month into my starting the role I was told there would be the annual Christmas Party. I promised myself I would go (I'm not too social otherwise) and that I would NOT get too drunk because:

1. I'm new here and want to make a good impression, and 2. I don't know when to stop when drinking socially. This all went down the pan however, and with £300 a head for champagne and food I found myself in a cab throwing up by 11pm with colleagues I barely knew trying to help me walk, and in my bed (missed all the speeches and awards part of the party).

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2 weeks ago I was called down to an impromptu meeting with my line manager and the head of the department. I was asked what I thought happened at the Christmas party and I acknowledged I was very drunk and home before midnight. I was then told I had offended the CEO's wife, by being a bit 'handsy' and 'a little too festive' - I was never given an explanation of what this meant, just told I was inappropriate. After apologising and saying how ashamed I was I then burst into tears and admitted I wasn't over my relationship with my sons father and that 2018 had been an incredibly tough year (all truths) the two managers were just looking at me with blank faces. I've never been so ashamed in my life.

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Since then, I've kept my head down at work and been praised for the hard work I do. Had my OKR meeting a few days ago and was told I had made a good impression and was a strong member of the team. My next OKR is in April- which is an important meeting as it will indicate whether I've passed probation and maybe even receiving a bonus at the end of the year.

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I just really need some guidance on how to navigate the way I feel about my behaviour, (I quell daily anxiety with morning meds prescribed to me) and thrive in an environment not naturally comfortable to me. How do I kindly avoid office socials so that there is NEVER a repeat of what happened at the Christmas party?

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