My coworker (let's call her Alice) often seems to do things that make me feel bad. It's never anything big - just snarky comments about ways I behave, talk, past blunders, etc. When she does it enough, I snap back at her, and she always gets horribly offended and stops talking to me at all. Then a bit later she wants to discuss it and describes how I made her feel bad, expecting an apology.
This has been going on a while now. Alice keeps saying that she wants to be my friend and would like to know more about me, but I'm hesitant to open myself to someone who seems to often use personal things she learns as a tool for pushing buttons later on.
I've told her that I don't feel comfortable sharing too much personal things to workbuddies, but she takes it very personally and makes me feel bad about it.
I also once tried telling her that certain behaviours of hers make me feel bad, and she got offended and suspected I don't like her.
A while back a another coworker was having a party and Alice basically tried to hijack the schedule of the party to suit her own purposes, which made the organizer a bit upset. When I confronted her later on expecting she'd feel remorse, she blamed the organizer for always getting upset too easily, saying that the organizer would have been upset anyway once he understood how bad his scheduling was.
Other times, when you agree with Alice on something, she will make you feel like the greatest person ever, all gleam and thankfulness. But if you disagree with her on something (as is bound to happen at work sometimes - completely constructively) she seems very sad and even offended.
Alice always seems to make you feel great when you give her exactly what she wants - and makes you feel like shit when you don't give her what she wants. But I don't know if she's just very sensitive, or if she is actively trying to manipulate people.
But I swear sometimes when she says those things that are hurtful to me, even though she claims afterwards always she didn't mean to offend.. sometimes I see something in her eyes that looks a suspiciously lot like malice, as if she was expecting to see if she gets me to react.
I know this is not enough info to say anything for certain, but.. do any of these sound like red flags to you?
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