Basically as the title says.
I was in a meeting with my managers and colleagues.
Some background: There has been a lot of tension between management and myself recently. Last month I received a very negative performance review and, despite trying my best every day, have been getting the 'cold shoulder' from management ever since.
The tone of the meeting was overwhelmingly negative. We were read a list of all the problems my department have not been addressing. We were told by the manager that my direct report is feeling unsupported by her staff, and is on the verge of quitting (ironically, the same way I feel).
When I was directly asked if I had any business to add, I raised a query that had been brought to my attention by some members of my team.
This resulted in an argument when the manager asked me who I had told about this query, and I responded by saying 'I'm telling you now.' They asked again and I repeated myself.
They said I should have brought it up sooner and not in a meeting. They equated it to a safety issue (which it is not). They asked me why I was bringing a problem to them and asked what the solution should be. I felt humiliated in front of the team and I ended up raising my voice and expressing my frustration by saying I feel as though my input is not wanted at all.
The manager ended by saying I needed to send an email to the higher-ups to ask them about my issue. After that I stayed quiet until the end of the meeting, after which I went home.
I have worked for this company for 10 years. This situation is taking a serious toll on my mental health. I don't know what to do. I know my behaviour was out of line and based on an emotional reaction but I feel so helpless and isolated.
I feel as though I am being pushed out of my job. It seems as though the writing is on the wall. I have never been in this situation before.
My plan is to apologise first thing next week and then give my notice. I have some savings, I will survive, but I feel very scared and very hurt. I am working over the weekend (thankfully without management around) and it is a struggle.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am hurting a lot and questioning my self-worth.
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