I’m a (26M) 6th year Ph.D. student. I got a rejection email from my dream company today. Feeling absolutely hopeless!

I don’t know how to begin this. I came to the USA in 2015 for my Ph.D. study. Within a few months, my advisor made my (and many other students’) life worse than hell. Anyway, that story sometime later.

I was planning for graduation this year in October. However, as we all know, due to COVID-19, the hiring situation is not that great in chemical and many other industries and due to that, I am struggling to graduate. I have 8 first-author, 4 co-author research papers, 1 patent, 12 conference presentations, and won 6 best presentation/poster awards in the last 4 years. At this point, I am feeling absolutely worthless. I have been applying for various jobs for the last 5 months. I haven’t received an HR call yet. My seniors/ university career counselors tell that my resume/CV is very impressive with so many successful projects and achievements. I have prepared a document with around 40 interview questions and their detailed responses and watched hundreds of videos on interview tips.

At this point, I have lost all the motivation, hope, and optimism in applying for any new jobs now. Reading rejection emails or no-response emails or checking application status daily has ruined my passion to come to my lab and finish remaining work and write any new research/review papers.

My family and friends suggest me to think positively and keep myself motivated. In a lockdown, I have read hundreds of books of stoicism philosophy to make my mind stronger and peaceful. I have been doing daily mindful meditations, working out at least 4 times a week, eating healthy food, praying, and keeping gratitude, etc.

Maintaining patience is becoming an exhausting task for me now. I am seriously thinking to finish my Ph.D. and move back to my country and start teaching in some local university or school or start my coaching classes along with farming (My family lives in a small village). Even, dreaming a American career life goal is becoming problematic.

There were many dark moments in my Ph.D. life (due to my extremely toxic advisor) and wanted to end my life by consuming toxic chemicals in my lab. I am just keeping myself alive because of my parent and family members.

Don’t know what to say anymore.

Thanks for reading and good luck to all!

Peace out.

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