I am feeling so weird right now.
26M
I thought I was going to be relief but I scared. I think I mighty need some help.
For context, I have been working for this company for 2 years, I did an amazing job in the first department got promoted twice...until things changed and I felt that I was near the end there. So there was a chance in a new department for a senior role. I was an assistant but I applied to be senior analyst two months ago.
It was not what I am looking for but it was better than staying stuck and miserable. At first I was excited with my new manager and a new role new life. There are quite a lot of challenges there because it is still viewed as the worst dep in the company due years of mismanagement.
I still did not stop looking for jobs related to BI & Analytics as I am attending a MBA in those terms.
As I have been in contact with R, SQL, Python, Tableau I want to get in this field. And in the company I will certainly not apply there.
As Planning Analyst I must find and fix imbroglios, to build the first KPIs (I did), to take care of budget, some administrative work... Nothing that I could not do but I kinda didnt want to do that. So I became lethargic thinking I should be studying more instead of working in the company. To do an amazing work I should put my heart there and I could not.
So today I finally admited to my boss that I wanted do leave.
He was surprised and sad for me. He saw potential but realized I wasnt performing as much as he needs. We talked a lot he was truly concerned about my mental health but would go on with me request and fire me so I can have all my benefits. He is indeed a very good man and I even said thay I am sorry that I disappointed him. I dont know how long I will be there in the office but the sense of "I dont belong here" will skyrocket. Its like I failed everyone, including me.
We had two talks before that and it was all the same: I was excited for a few days and boom, there I was feeling bad again...Could not see the time for coffee, lunch, my home and weekends.
I dont have anything lined up. I havent told anyone except my girlfriend who supports me as she has been listening to my complainings a long time..
That is it. Now thinking the job wasnt that bad for what I was earning. No one was pushing me, no one mistreated me...But still its been a long time I thought about quitting and now is the time...I dont know what went wrong. I just know I must work on myself now to regain my self steem and learn more hardskills.
I just don't want to feel bad again. I battled a lot to find my this job in the past and now I am in the unemployed queue. Maybe I wasnt ready to be in a senior role? Surely the subjects there did not interest me.
I am confused and I know harsh times will come. Thanksfully I have savings and family to support me if needed.
- Non english speaker
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