Heyo! So I've got a bit of a story, but I will try to keep it as short as possible. English isn't my 1st language, so if I express myself oddly please excuse or ask what I mean.
In May 2019 I graduated uni with a degree in HR. Straight away i got a management job for a volunteer organisation. So mainly I work with the elected board who does their work for free. The board is my employer and the chairman is my boss. I have 3 employees "below" me.
So other things that are good to know: this organisation rely on grants to survive which means we are understaffed. And since I and my staff work with a board who does their job for free, we work a lot of weekends and odd hours.
Anyways. I've been at this job for 14 months now, and honestly I've questioned my decision to accepting the job offer more times then I can count. Since I've started everything has been complete chaos. With one board member (=my employer) threatening people to corona.
I work a lot of weekends, I'm on call 24/7 365 days of the year. And each month I work aprox 5 weeks worth of work.
For someone who's dealt with anxiety and depression since her early teens, this job situation has taken a toll. Atm I sleep about 3h/night, my attention span is down to 3 minutes and my heart is pounding none stop, this due to my anxiety spiraling.
The last three months at work has been really difficult as my health has gotten worse. And it has affected my work effort, which I'm not proud of but willing to work with forward to improve.
About a month ago I started up a dialogue with my boss regarding my health and declining work performance. And we started a discussion about the work environment and me picking up contact with my doctor to get help with my health. I felt more hopeful about feeling better and getting my work to function better for me.
But then a few days ago I had another meeting planned with my boss to continue talking about the situation. This is when my boss now tells me that my leadership, communication and over all work performance have been lacking for over a year and that they really see little chance of my employment working in the long run.
I was a bit startled by this, since I haven't heard this at any point previously nor at my quarterly performance reviews. I asked my boss for some clarification but they just kept repeating the same answer with no actual example of what has been lacking for the last year.
Now I've come to the decision to quit my job. I don't like the work environment and its burning me out. Also I feel hurt of what transpired a few days ago. I honestly have no interest in even trying to make it work.
But what I keep asking myself is, do I just quit my senior management role without them having a replacement? I wanna say yes, because i feel like I'm sprinting towards a burn out and I have lost all trust for my employer. But i dont know, is it selfish not to find my own replacement before leaving?
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