If there's a better sub for this please recommend but I figured this may be the best one.
tl'dr: Have trouble focusing at an unfulfilling but otherwise great job. Thoughts?
I'm(29M) an engineer. I work from home for a reputable company. I make ~65k/year working ~30 hours/week and set my own hours. I can always work more hours if I want to but it's not required. I have good benefits. Management is great, no one is breathing down my neck, and the people and environment is generally friendly and positive with OK raises every year.
The problem is I cannot bring myself to focus. Some days it's OK while others seem like a hard fought battle, leaving me totally drained. I've tried many of the common solutions. Exercised probably 5 days a week for the past decade. Not much of a drinker. Don't do drugs. I've kept a serious meditation practice for the past year or so. I intermittent fast, eating an almost all vegetarian diet. I drink plenty of water daily. I tried amphetamine salts and while they did help with focus, they also made me more anxious/mood swingy.
So I'm not sure focus is entirely the problem. With this job/industry in general it feels like I'm trying to fit a square peg in a round hole, but as the pay and flexibility allow me to chase passions/hobbies in my spare time, it's difficult to leave. Sometimes this feels like an acceptable trade off. At the same time however it is becoming difficult to stay when most days I feel deeply unfulfilled and to be honest downright embarrassed with my performance - which has not gone unnoticed by management. It's just not so bad that I am worth firing.
I'm not completely miserable or anything especially since I have great things going on outside of this job, but I feel like I am settling for mediocrity and am not living an authentic, purpose driven life. I think about other things I could be doing but struggle to find something realistic (would love to be a full time athlete!). A myriad of personality tests (ENFP) suggest career paths like teacher, therapist, social worker, sports therapy etc but would require extra schooling ($$$) and more debt for lower pay doesn't seem like a great idea, although it may be worth it from a fulfillment perspective.
At this point the best thing I can come up with is to keep working on trying to improve focus (it does seem to improve slightly as time goes on), save most of what I make and try to retire as early as possible which would be in around 12 or so years if I don't start a family...
Thoughts?
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