Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/jobs/comments/hvallh/am_i_being_unreasonable/
After a week of harassment, berating and bullying over messages (which I will leave out because it would take a whole post of its own), we had a meeting. He sat me down for a impromptu "performance review". He then proceeded to tell me that I wasn't really doing as much work as I thought I was and that I wasn't that valuable or important as I thought I was.
He continued to tell me that there are many freelancers out there who would be willing to take my job. That I was skilled in technical skills but that technical skilled people could be found for cheaper and that there are many people applying for my position. That my job wasn't that hard and my projects are not that time consuming (I finished 13 projects in a week or so that was not even in my department because the other department couldn't finish it in the past two years) and basically told me that I was easily replaceable. He then proceeded to pit my coworkers against me by saying that "your coworkers also don't think you are doing much". He told me that I didn't deserve a raise or an extra compensation for what I was doing and if I just wanted to do the tasks that were on my offer letter, this wasn't the right place for me. Like I said, I have never said no to him, not even over this subject, I simply asked for training and told him my plate was full due to other projects. My expectation was him to get me through training (he told me that my training was to use my common sense and that he didn't want to pay 2000 dollars for me to hear just that) and either push some responsibilities out of my plate or give me a bonus for the extra work I was undertaking on top of my other tasks. I have taken on dozens and dozens of tasks that wasn't even asked of me because of how much I loved my industry and in the meantime, lost 20% of my promised salary on my offer. AND, I listened to him bully and intimidate me.
What broke the camels back for me was when he said "if you are not happy, opt out, but you won't get unemployment benefits and good luck finding a job during COVID." Thank god for masks because I legitimately was floored that he was intimidating me like this but I kept my cool and tried to explain why this wasn't the case and gave him examples of my past work and achievements. He said "stop being defensive and listen, i am trying to help you."
Next morning, I gave my resignation letter to the HR, told her that I won't be clocking in for the next two weeks but I will try and make this transition easier for my boss. My boss called me on the phone about 30 minutes later, saying that he was surprised and I said "you told me to quit if i didn't want to continue" which he responded with "no, i didn't say that. i told you to opt out if you are unhappy (???)" and that the right, honorable thing would be to give him two weeks and asked why I didn't do so. I said "This decision was made after our conversation yesterday and I didn't think I had to give two weeks as you said my tasks could easily be delegated to others and there are many people looking to take my job." He backtracked a little, told me to take the day off and reconsider my decision. Then for about 3 hours afterwards, he continued to message me on my decision. His starting sentence was "I am sure my candid feedback hurt your ego." and then continued with "I am trying to help YOU, this is for YOU, take this as a learning experience", "we will lose but you will LOSE more if you quit" and then told me to not "leave him like this" and that "he needed me" and that I shouldn't just "walk away", then offered me 5 days a week work so I could return back to my full salary. I thanked him and said my decision is final. He then told me that if I didn't give him two weeks, he wouldn't offer freelancing as an option in the future (dude I resigned, I clearly don't want to work for you?). I thanked him for considering me for future opportunities, told him my decision was final but I was willing to answer any questions for the next two weeks to help him. When I showed up at work to drop my stuff, I thanked him once again and he continued with "you didn't give me a two weeks notice so don't expect me to write you a letter of recommendation." I said, I understood and left.
I feel like 400 lbs have been lifted off my shoulders. I don't have another job lined up but god, it feels good to breathe. I shared his texts to my family and friends and they made me realize that this was typical narcissistic abuse to devalue, gaslight and threaten only to beg to stay once you decide to leave. Wow. I am happy I got out sooner than rather than later.
Did I handle this perfectly? No. There were things I could have done better and I am aware that I am inexperienced but I tried to communicate and get guidance. Am I scared? Yes. I don't have a job anymore and I terminated my lease. I also am scared that my boss may try to defame me. Am I happier? HECK YEAH. I bought myself donuts to celebrate and I am looking for new jobs now. I am glad that I didn't sell my soul and dignity for a minimum wage job.
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