Hey y'all,
I'm a newcomer to this subreddit, and it seems like it's a pretty supportive community, so I thought I'd post about a job-related issue I've been dealing with lately.
I graduated from college this past May and started a new job last Monday. I am working at a mid-size consulting firm in a big city. I went through the recruiting and interview process last February and received my offer in March. After carefully considering all my offers and options, I decided to accept the offer from my current company because of the salary, benefits, location, and overarching culture and mission.
However, something I have not told my coworkers, and something I made sure not to mention during the interview cycle is that I hope to attend law school next fall (2020). I have taken the LSAT and am happy with my score, and I plan to begin my applications very soon. So, I knew going into this position that it was a "gap year"/temporary job. Again, no one in my office knows about this, and the standard notion about the consultant position that I have is that you will stay for a minimum of three years, with built in promotions, pay raises, etc.
That being said, although on paper, this seems like a great job, I am really not enjoying my experience so far. I know it has only been two weeks, so I'm trying my best to keep an open mind, but it's been really tough. I haven't enjoyed my time so far for several reasons.
- Lack of meaningful work: I studied political science in undergrad, and the reason I want to go to law school is so that I can work in the government / work to draft legislation and try to enact meaningful change. The consulting firm I work at, while it focuses on a noble cause that is overall meaningful (I don't want to specify because if I do, it will be quite easy to connect the dots about where I work), does not seem to really provide day-to-day tasks that I wanted to be doing post-grad. There's a lot of proprietary and specific/nit-picky processes and methods that my company uses that has been very difficult to learn, and although I am trying to see this whole experience as a learning opportunity, it's tough knowing that for my gap year, I am not doing something that I'm good at / that I love.
- My trainer: The person who is training me is just not someone that I click very well with. He is a super fratty, white guy (like textbook), and I am a woman of color who knows less than nothing about sports, beer, and whatever else frat guys like to do. I'm not trying to stereotype here, but that is literally just who this guy is. In terms of actually training me, he is doing an adequate job — nothing great, though. Also, due to the fact that I feel self conscious around this guy who is my polar opposite (but also who is someone that I want to at least try to get along with), I've been hesitant to actively ask questions and learn more. Although I eventually work up the courage to ask everything that I need to know, it is taking up my mental space and time to do so. Therefore, it feels like it is taking me longer than it should to learn all the complicated processes of this job. This issue is *completely* and entirely on me, though. I want to try to change my mindset about working with this guy (so please offer any words of wisdom you might have).
- Company culture: Going off my last point, the company is very white and not very diverse. There are definitely initiatives in place to give POC a space to meet and socialize, but the overarching culture is just fundamentally very white. Additionally, it feels like 90% of bonding happens over alcohol/going out, which I'm just not really interested in. It also feels very cliquey, and although some people have been kind enough to introduce themselves and initiate conversation, the majority of people just stick to their own friend groups and are unwilling to branch out. As a new hire, it's hard for me to initiate myself and put myself out there when cliques and groups have already been established.
I really don't want to come off as though I am just complaining here — like I've said a couple times already, I really want to change my negative mindset about this situation. I know that I am very fortunate to even have a job. Please be brutally honest (but kind :)) with me in the comments — am I being dramatic / overly sensitive about anything here? Should I just swallow my anxiety/feelings of doubt and just power through this next year? Is this just what entry-level work is like? Do I have unrealistic expectations? Essentially, I'm really looking for advice for how I can stay positive and make it through this year even though I'm in a position that I'm not happy in.
I also want to be in the best headspace when I am writing my law school applications, so I really want to make sure that the place I spend 40+ hours per week is not draining the life and happiness out of me.
Sorry for the super long post, but I really needed to get all of that out. Thanks if you've made it this far in the post, and thanks in advance for any advice; I really appreciate any thoughts.
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