I've recently started a job where they constantly give you feedback that starts to feel like nit picking. How to handle this without taking it to heart and letting it deflate me?

Hi guys,

2 months ago I got my first full time adult job after working shift work for pretty much 10 years. I'm 29, female and I am extremely hard on myself if I feel I am not performing adequately. I work for a marketing platform/review website now for tradesmen. I've never been in a job before where they monitor you so closely, and it's really throwing me off. I've never had an office job before, and I've always been the best at my previous jobs, so my self-standards are extremely high.

I used to hate being criticized, because I grew up never good enough, so my natural response as a teenager with my parents was to be super defensive and get angry when I felt I was being attacked. I've since worked on that and I feel I take feedback much better now, especially when it helps me learn and grow. As long as it's constructive and relevant, I am super grateful for it as I know it's for my own development even when it can be hard to hear.

I had my first feedback at work about a month ago, nothing drastic. They just wanted me to sound less agreeable on the phone (saying ''OK'' as a listening response rather than ''Yeah''), and slightly change how I word things as the customers can hold us to that. I have to stay more neutral, basically, and be more confident as I was terrified and riddled with anxiety and it was reflecting in my call openings. That was no problem, and I began to work on that right away. However, the NEXT DAY, both my seniors pulled me out of the office for a ''chat'' and gave me the same feedback, and were asking about my overall wellbeing due to my old desk buddy sending me a joke email about missing him while he is away.
I felt one day was too soon to essentially change how I speak/break habits, and this made me feel very isolated as none of my other co workers were having any feedback or calls listened to. I felt like ''that'' person. The special one who is crap at their job and needs coaching - and the email thing just made me feel I was being watched. I cried when I got home and felt I was not good enough. It doesn't help that every single feedback is always both my seniors and so formal, I don't like this as it's very intimidating.

I heard nothing else since yesterday, and I have been feeling so confident and great. I flat out asked the quality assurance guy if I had improved, and he was very enthusiastic and said yes, and that I had taken on board everything they asked and improved drastically in those areas. I felt amazing.

Thursday, I had my first probation review. They had 3 calls with feedback - 2 good, 1 not so good. The not so good one was my first ever inbound call, and it was actually a member of the public asking for a tradesmen (we don't generally deal with those unless they press the wrong button), and it was over a month old. A month is 50% of my time here ago, and I felt it wasn't as relevant as they were telling me to improve in areas I have already improved on which they would be able to hear if they pulled one from a week ago. I took it on board anyway and thanked them, but I pointed out I wish my feedback was on more recent calls and more common calls we deal with so I can improve even more. I made a joke about it being my first inbound call and mentioned just my luck it's a challenging one I had no training on - and they did not laugh. They told me I was being defensive and denying what I had said. They then started challenging me on my type 1 diabetes and needing breaks at certain times, and I got emotional as I am not comfortable talking about my condition in detail to people who do not understand it, or how much it really effects me. It's partly my fault as I tell people to just treat me as a normal person, but then I let my blood sugar levels suffer because I don't want to be a burden - I need to assert my needs more on that.

Now, yesterday, I had a horrible day. Very challenging calls as we had major IT issues and a fire near our other branch, so we had to handle the entire workload. I had one guy in the morning that I could not hear or understand at all because of poor audio and language barrier. We are having issues lately where 2 of the finance departments are redirecting people to each other, and it's so frustrating. I then get emails about this and feel stupid and like it is my fault. We got told X, I do X, and finance 1 department tells me I need to do Y. I do Y, and the finance 2 department tells me to do X. All the while there is a customer on hold. All my colleagues are complaining about this in general, people telling you different procedures and different things, and then you're made to feel stupid like it's your fault.
If that wasn't bad enough, both my seniors again pulled me into a room for a ''catch up'', as they had listened to the call with the language barrier, and pointed out I sounded sarcastic when I said ''OK'' as I was listening to him talk, and when I asked the finance department for future reference, what they deal with. Neither of the two people I spoke to reacted as if I was being sarcastic, but my senior did. I don't understand this as I've always been told I sound lovely on the phone.

I mentioned the language barrier and that I really couldn't hear him, and he had finance queries I really didn't understand as I haven't had any training on that, but I would try to listen better and repeat back to the customer just to fully understand what they are asking in the future - and once again they said I was being defensive and denying what I've said on the phone. It's almost like I am not allowed to respond at all. To me, feedback is a mutual connection where both parties have input and agree areas of development so both people can have a more positive experience, as well as the company. After this I felt so deflated and useless. They've told me to be less empathetic and personal on Thursday, but then yesterday they told me to be more empathetic and I am really confused as to what they want from me. They've also told me not to offer to investigate initial sales calls if the customer calls in saying they've been missold and are not happy.. but my co worker did this a few days ago and they didn't say anything to her about it. She even emailed them the reference number and my senior pulled the initial sales call from the system - but when I do it, it's wrong?

Sorry this is so long, I live alone and don't really have anyone to vent my frustrations to, and I can't do it at work on lunch as you never know who is listening. Overall I like my job and it's mostly fine, but it just feels so bad when you feel like you're the only one being picked up on things that honestly seem really petty, especially when you have an influx of bad calls which puts you on edge. I do feel that we haven't had enough training, I just want to stop feeling like this - it is now Saturday and I am sat typing this because I am so stressed.

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