For the past 4 years I have been working to get an position with my dream company. I have done over 50 interviews and even gotten offers (sometimes the offers were rescinded due to the role being shuffled into another team, or a leader got fired, or they lowballed me HARD and I had to say no).
But I’ve loved this company since childhood.
3 Years ago I interviewed with this team, and it failed pretty hard. I got an offer again and so far it’s gone pretty well.
Tomorrow I’m on a third interview. But this time it’s with all the people I failed with the first time.
Right now, I am experiencing extreme anxiety to the point it’s triggering ulcers (I thought I’d die before the second one, I was in so much pain). I have acid reflux, but I manage it well most of the time.
But I don’t know how to manage this. I don’t even know if it’s worth it anymore, and I just kind of need someone to say, “go on,” because for the first time, I’m finding it hard to say it to myself.
If I get this job it’ll be worth 5 years of work and a lifetime of love to get into this position.
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